Relief +

Terror

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​“It seems this is what service is about: offering whatever we can of ourselves, and then getting out of the way for whatever may or may not come of it. Because when our heart and tears and honesty are in something, others feel it, and I imagine the enthusiasm for what we offer transmits some cosmic love cologne as a gift both for them and for us; in which case we can't not love giving. The important part, it seems, is doing what we're called to do in our quieter moments—the thing that gives us a deep, earthy yes, which may be accompanied by relief at knowing our path, and terror at stepping wholeheartedly onto it. Perhaps our awkward but sincere efforts along the way are all that's called for; perhaps, they give others permission to do the same.” — Teri A. Dillion​
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After releasing my podcast last week, I have experienced waves of total relief and actual terror, as that quote beautifully articulates. It's been so much to process—the joy, the elation, the pride, and all of the attendant fear when something is "out there."

With it, I'm sensing a need to both celebrate and rest, and to let it all integrate.

Seems like a pretty good time for it, too, given that I'm heading into my birthday month (shoutout to all my other Libras).

So, I'm going to dip out for just a couple of sends here in the relatively near future. As I do, here's the slightly altered schedule you can expect—
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1. No essay today; just this update.
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2. Next Tuesday, September 28th, I'm releasing my podcast interview on "Inefficiency + Joy" with David Epstein, the author of "Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World." I can't wait for it to be in your ears, because I know hearing him speak on generalists, and finding meaningful work, and being "inefficient" will likely be as meaningful to you as it has been to me. I'll send out an email to alert you, but if you're not yet, definitely subscribe to the podcast on any of your favorite platforms so you don't miss it.
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3. Then, that following Tuesday, October 5th, I'll be out on vacation, celebrating my upcoming 40th (WHAT?!). So, no email from me then, either.
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4. Right after I return, on October 12th, I'm releasing my podcast interview with Andreas Weber, author of "Matter & Desire: An Erotic Ecology." It's basically two hours of geeking out on poetics and aliveness and attachment and "Love + Death" with an author that has fundamentally shaped the last few years of my life. As you might imagine—given how often I quote from the book and how often I recommend you read it—the conversation was deeply meaningful to me.

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After that, I should be back to my relatively normal "programming."

Until then, I'll leave you with a referral to the book I quoted from above.

It's called "No Pressure, No Diamonds: Mining for Gifts in Illness and Loss" by Teri A. Dillion. Sincerely grateful to my friend, Kim Zimmerman, for alerting me about not only the book, but also about Teri, in general. As someone who has struggled with autoimmune issues for years now, it's been a very tough but familiar read. Highly recommend.

Thanks, loves, and more soon.

You're the absolute best :)

— B